Kara's Story
by flight 29 down girl
Summary: Kara gets bullied at Forks High. She has anxiety attacks and is easily embarrassed. So when Mike Newton introduces a new hot friend who goes to school in La Push can Kara combat her issues and feelings for Jacob while dealing with the fantastical realm of wolves ?
1. Chapter 1

La Push Werewolves

Kara's Story

Chapter 1

I am new to La Push.

It has beautiful oceans and sunsets that I love to watch at night. The only problem is when it gets dark out. I get scared of things really easy and can't sleep at night sometimes.

It pretty much means that I am a total whimp at night but I can't help myself. I feel scared and get nervous alot, since I have anxiety and issues like that.

I can't tell anyone about it though which is pretty hard to keep a secret.

" You know you shouldn't have come here Kara." Eric Yorkie yelled at me. "Nobody at school even cares about you and have you honestly seen yourself? Ugly as hell. Nobody at Forks High will even ask you out let alone love you."

"Leave her alone Eric." Mike Newton stuck up for me. I blushed and wished he wouldn't do this here. Eric rolled his eyes and said something mean though I bet he actually meant it. eric Yorkie had no filter and I swear he had insecurity issues himself but wouldn't say anything.

We went inside and I had the worst day of my life. The girls laughed their asses off when I realized Eric had stuck a stick through the back of my shirt.

" Mike stop trying to help me. Maybe Eric's right about me."

"No he's not Kara. You rock, maybe this school isn't the one for you. Let me take you out tonight. The romantic comedy is playing tonight and I think you deserve a night out. These girls are airheads anyway Kara and you don't deserve to get theur scorn. They just say crap like that because they think everyone here isn't as sensitive to things as you are. I know about everything and want to help no matter what people think."

That was very nice but I cried anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

La Push Werewolves

Kara's Story

Chapter 2

Mike had called my house and I got on the phone. He was being really nice and I wondered if he liked me a little. He wasn't my type, just nice. I didn't think I deserved to find a boyfriend here at all but maybe Mike was a good choice.

I decided to go to the movies anyway.

The lobby was light with bright lights and I noticed a tall, Native American boy standing next to Mike and talking to him.

"Hey Kara. This is Jacob Black." Mike said "He lives on the Quileute reservation in La Push. It is only a few miles down from Forks and I was just telling him that-"

"Really Mike! You ever kept a secret in your life? I guess not." I held my open jacket covered with fuzz on the hood as I felt the anxiety shooting up into my throat. I knew I should have kept quiet about this.

"Relax Kara." Mike consoled me as Jacob looked on confused. "I told him you got bullied by Eric today and he was just talking about the school down in La Push. We both thought it would be a better fit for you then Forks is. He says they are on break for Thanksgiving now but when school starts back up in January, I got some papers for you to fill out. Jacob thinks you will like it there."

He nodded and smiled at me and I felt better than I had felt all day. I was vaguely aware while we were in the movies that both Mike and Jacob wanted to hold my hands in theirs and I complied as a big explosion happened and I jumped in the air out of my seat. The fabric of my shirt was uncomfortable and I wanted to take it off. It helped me calm down.

Jacob's name was powerful and the same could be said for his touch in my hand. That simple action of holding onto a part of my body made everything freeze and slowly disappear. The heat of his hand had been enough to make me relax and without realizing it, I began to rest my head against Jacob Black's shoulder, feeling the heat there as well.

He turned to look at me and Mike did too and I jerked up like I do when I start to do the wrong thing.

" Sorry." I apologized, hoping Jacob wouldn't think I was totally naive and stupid by wanting to be close to him. I was surprised and somewhat relieved when the credits rolled and lights went up and we went outside.

I felt his presence take over as we walked and I realized Jacob was holding my hand. Mike had grabbed the other one and I sat down with Jacob on the stairs and looked at myself in the mirror. Red, sweaty and disheveled. I always get that way when I get nervous. And even more so, I realized since I was sitting next to a hot guy.

Don't lead him on. I heard my brain talk like it always did when I didn't know what to do or say to someone. I hid my face and thanked Mike as he left in a car going home so that it was just me and Jacob left at the movies.

"I heard about what happened to you Kara and i'm sorry you had to go through that. The Rez school isn't like that. It's exclusive, they only let certain people in and I want to ask if you would consider at least visiting campus. I promise I won't let anybody hurt you and I won't hurt you either. Ever. No matter what. I promise."

His voice. That incredible voice. I melted as I heard it and my heart leaped up when I realized we were still holding hands. He lay them in the space between his jeans and mine looking at the contrasting colors. I was white but he didn't seem to care as Jacob leaned in and looked straight into my eyes.

" I won't let you down. I'm not ever gonna give up on you and I promise we will always be friends."

I let the words sink halfway in before I kissed his full lips.


	3. Chapter 3

La Push Werewolves

Kara's Story

Chapter 3

I had no way of feeling. All of my nerves were broken, kissing Jacob Black. It felt so real that my body was alive and nervous in a good way. His kiss was swallowing my initial anxiety and he laughed under my lips. It was then that I broke the kiss and blushed hot enough to melt ice.

Holy shit! I had just kissed a handsome stranger all on my own. He would surely hate me now.

"Oh please don't run away on me." I hid my face when I realized that I said the fear out loud. Just stop talking!

"Oh no problem Kara. It actually was very sweet of you." Jacob smiled at me. His eyes bright, like they were laughing. Of course he was laughing at me! I was a total idiot! I mentally slapped myself. Why had I just done that? What was I thinking? I was so appalled at myself that I started talking out loud again and Jacob caught my face inside his hands. They were rough and soft and hot. I froze as his eyes locked with mine and they saw through everything all at once.

"It's okay Kara."

I huffed a big sigh and started to say something else but he stopped me. Kissed me again.

" I- don't- even- know you!" I said through the fog in my brain. It was funny for me to forget everything but I did. Jacob's kiss had the power to make me water.

" You are so funny. But you should really get home. It's already ten."

Crap!

"I need a car." I said. Where had that come from?!

"I'll take you home Kara. Do you live close by?" Jake asked and I talked to my hands." Yeah three blocks from the beach. It's a white house with a blue roof. Thanks for everything. I promise I'll try to erase tonight from my memory next time you see me, if there even is a next time."

" I want there to be many more than just tonight Kara." he smiled and held my hand out to the car." I know exactly how you feel. I like you too. Very much even though we don't know each other well. I want to get to know you though. As much as you are willing to tell me."

I thought I was dying. "Okay sure."

The truck Jake drove was black and high up off the ground. I figured that out when he parked in front of my house and told me to watch my way out the door.

I fell down on my face.

Or was about to, except for Jacob caught me before I could.

Oh shit.

His hands weren't the only warm things attached to him. As Jacob pulled me into his chest,I was set on fire. The heat I felt off his hands was just a preview of how hot he was.

"Careful Kara. I don't want you to fall."

I was put on my feet by the porch and he asked if I wanted a tour of the reservation school sometime this week.

I most definitely wanted to see this guy again.

"Of course. Thanks Jake. That would be great."

"Okay good." he smirked and whispered " So there will be a next time." I blushed and he drove away laughing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I pulled up to the beach and saw them all sitting around the circle of logs by a roaring bonfire.

"Kara you came!" Jacob said smiling diamonds at me. He was so cute. I felt myself going weak as he took my hand and lead me over to wear the rest of the group was standing, hollering loudly and sounding drunk to my ears but maybe that was because they were more sensitive than most peoples. I didn't understand why I was so different besides having anxiety about everything I was looked at as strange because of something I was clueless about.

Jacob introduced me to his friends Quill, Embry, Paul and Jared and left the biggest guy for last.

"Kara this is Sam Uley and his girlfriend Emily. Sam sort of teaches us things. He is very protective and knows how special La push Rservation is. He won't hurt you. And neither will the rest of them. All they do is protect you. It's a special reflex we all have since we are so close. Almost like brothers. it's a cool thing to see, us all work together like this in everything. I hope you want to come here with me."

"Okay." I said of course I would come here if Jacob was here. I would go anywhere hewanted. It was a crush happening between us, awkward kiss or not, I could feel it. Something unnatural and supernatural was happeneing to me at that moment.

"This is where we hang out. It's called First Beach. People cliff dive off the rocks over there. I wouldn't advise you try since I don't want you to get hurt. But to tell you the truth you aren't the only one who gets freaked out easily."

"What do you mean Jacob?" was he afraid of something? Was it me?

"I am scared to jump off so high up. But maybe if you were there cheering me on I could probably so it. I feel like I can do anything with you by my side."

We held hands and walked around the surrounding areas, mostly dense woods that I couldn't see through and a little red house over by the edge of the woods on the north side.

"That's Emily's house and down the block a ways is my house. We eat there sometimes and I have a sick garage you could check out sometime, if you want."

He was nervous. I could tell.

"Jake that's nice of you but you don't have to be nervous around me. I am the one that has panic attacks here okay? Relax. If anyone should be scared of falling for you it's me."

At that he scoffed and sounded like he was laughing.

"me? Scared of you? Please."

"Alright then we're good."

"Yes we are." he stopped and I realized we weren't by the fire anymore. We were surrounded by gears and wrenches.

"I love you Kara. I know you'll like it here on the rez. Just give it a week and I promise you'll be effected somehow. I hope you come back." he smiled and pinned me up against the wall.

Crap.

I panicked and he noticed. God I ruin everything.

"Sorry." I said feeling panic raise inside my voice. "That was supposed to be romaantic for you huh?"

"No it's fine. Come here." He wrapped me in a signiture bear hug, letting the heat of his chest soak into my face and body.

"Let's play a game Kara. When you get jumpy let me know and I'll help you relax. Calm down maybe, whatever you need. That way, everything will be okay between you and I and there won't be anything we can't tell each other. I want there to be no secrets between us so I'm gonna tell you something huge." He stopped and I looked up into Jacob's eyes. They were soft and gentle, like his hands were at the movies. I wanted to feel him again and this was so good for me. A lot of people thought when I got jumpy and on the verge of a panic attack they should leave me alone to suffer through it myself. Forks had done that as well as every other school I had been in but Jacob was the ony person who cared enough about me to stay with me through the panic let alone actually make it go away. And for that, I was forever indebted to him.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"I want to take you out sometime. On a real date. Would you come if I promised we could hug or kiss each other again? Like the last time?"

"Of course. I don't even care about kissing you." Lie."I just want to be with you Jacob, no matter what happens." True.

I felt like it was okay to be myself with Jake. The anxiety was kind of hard to control though I was learning how to do and seem at least semi normal. But with Jacob I knew the not so normal parts of me were okay too. They always would be. That was why I was falling in love with my best friend.


	5. Chapter 5

"I care about you so much Jake." I said

The sentence hung in the air like a warm, sweet cloud and I wanted him to keep going with the conversation we were developing about falling in love.

"Go on Jake. I like hearing you talk." I followed his eyes as they looked through me and out again. A slight blush rose to my cheeks when I noticed him laughing at me quietly.

The laugh was short and still had enough strength behind it to make me realize I hadn't stepped completely off target by telling him that. I knew Jake was the one and we were already on our first date. My first date ever in my life of eighteen years.

I saw his eyes again and they shone with an incredible light that had to be coming from deep within his body.

Then anxiety shot up and I made a noise.

You okay Kara?" Jacob asked.

No. "Yes I am fine."

Silence.

None of the times I had been in this position had ever felt this awkward and I felt the pull of a familiar sensation filing my body.

I was having a panic attack.

"Jake help!"

He shot upright, eyes covered with fear and concern for me and came over to my side.

" Look right at me. Take deep breaths. Good. Nice. In and out Kara. In and out. There you go."

God I hate it when I have them.

They started to interfere with everything when I was six years old. I was too scared to get help then and ended up with more then one visit to the hospital.

Those days I tried desperately to forget but with Jake, I couldn't. I forgot everything I didn't want to when he was kissing me, and remembered everything I tried to forget when I thought about things like his sculptor body or the possibility of him actually liking me for truth enough to eventually make love to someday

"Kara breathe. You're sweating babe. What's going on?" Jake was so scared.

Damn it! I cursed I ruined it all.

" Jacob I need to- go home- sorry." I got up and grabbed the edge of the table on the beach. The sunset was romantic. Red and purple giving way to black sky on the way out to sea but now I was trapped, No air. I needed help.

" Kara don't go. Tell me what's wrong! I want to help." Jake cried as I ran away from the beach.

" You can't help me!" I said bursting into tears as the panic reached an all time high and I ran off down the road to nowhere.


	6. Chapter 6

Jacob

I was completely and totally stunned.

I had planned this to go perfectly and Kara ran away!

I wasn't that scary was I?

And what the hell had happened with her just now?

I tried to think about how her eyes looked at me with everything she was too afraid to say to me but we already knew we felt. Love. Friendship. Security. Or at least two out of three. She ran away for some reason and when I tried to ask her what was wrong she just said "You can't help me."

What was so bad that I couldn't help her?

I wanted to help and I knew what she saw in my eyes earlier as we watched the sun glow off of the beaches waves.

I had imprinted. Nothing else matterede to me now except figuring out how to help Kara. She was my destined partner and soul mate. I wanted to tell her that but then I would have to go into the whole being born into a werewolf gene pool and I doubted she would keep her sky shooting anxiety levels low enough to understand.

I hit the table hard and it broke.

I needed to understand her anxiety better in order to help her.

I drove my truck home and got on the laptop that lay shut in the kitchen counter. I plugged it in and powered it up.

It's normal to feel anxious when facing a challenging situation, such as a job interview, a tough exam, or a blind date. But if your worries and fears seem overwhelming and interfere with your daily life, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder.

I blinked. So this really was serious.

Kara had an anxiety disorder. Not just a one time or sometimes problem. I knew I was needed. She needed help and I was determined to be the one to -if I couldn't provide it myself, then get her to a place where she could be safe and even maybe a little happy.

I thought of her laugh and kept reading.

Anxiety is the body's natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that goes off when you feel threatened, under pressure, or are facing a stressful situation.

In moderation, anxiety isn't always a bad thing. In fact, anxiety can help you stay alert and focused, spur you to action, and motivate you to solve problems. But when anxiety is constant or overwhelming, when it interferes with your relationships and activities, it stops being functional—that's when you've crossed the line from normal, productive anxiety into the territory of anxiety disorders.

Well she definitely couldn't get through a harmless date with me that was for sure.

Or maybe Kara had deeper issues then just a date. Maybe I was the reason she had a meltdown right in front of me.

I read on to find that there were many different types of anxiety disorders and I found a list that looked pretty promising.

Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?

Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?

Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can't shake?

Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren't done a certain way?

Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they cause you anxiety?

Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding panic?

Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?

I noticed some similarities between Kara and the questions people suspected of having the disorder would ask themselves but that wasn't much help. I found a list of symptoms and saw her reciprocating them as I though back on our date.

Feelings of apprehension or dread

Trouble concentrating

Feeling tense and jumpy

Anticipating the worst

Irritability

Restlessness

Watching for signs of danger

Feeling like your mind's gone blank

Pounding heart

Sweating

Stomach upset or dizziness

Frequent urination or diarrhea

Shortness of breath

Tremors and twitches

Muscle tension

Headaches

Fatigue

Insomnia

Surge of overwhelming panic

Feeling of losing control or going crazy

Heart palpitations or chest pain

Feeling like you're going to pass out

Trouble breathing or choking sensation

Hyperventilation

Hot flashes or chills

Trembling or shaking

Nausea or stomach cramps

Feeling detached or unreal

Kara definitely had the sweating and hyperventilation down. She had the overwhelming panicky feeling and she might have pushed me away so as not to lose control.

I shut the monitor off and ran my hand down the side of my face.

This was scary. Poor Kara. I saw her in my mind and knew I had to find a way to help her, if I could….

The website also had a list of treatment options for people with anxiety disorders . Therapy could help maybe, or medicine. I could get both or call for something.

Ideas poured into my head as I hit print and folded the paper in half.

I went upstairs and said a prayer.

God,

Please help Kara understand my intentions with her. I don't want to hurt her or even make her afraid or anxious. I just want her to be safe and happy.

I know You can open blind people's eyes and make them see again. It's so hard for me to watch her struggle with her disorder. I wish I could help Kara. I want to be with her but she has trouble even letting me inside. Help her open her eyes and heart to me.

Amen

I felt better, knowing everything was in God's hands now. He would let us be together if it was right. I hoped God wanted us to keep seeing each other. I wanted to but I felt so drawn to Kara, panic disorder or not, that I would do amazing things for her that most people who felt love like ours would call miracles.


	7. Chapter 7

I felt the wind come from outside my window in warm breaths. My mom and dad were with me.

They had both died in a car accident when I was six years old. I had never been able to forget the crushing sound of glass on concrete and the screams of my mother as she was tossed from the crumpled vehichle and out onto the snow covered street.

My father didn't die right away. He had enough time to take both of us to the hospital before he passed away from the force of the blow as he was brought through the windshield, and the injuries to his head that were a result from the car crash.

I had my first panic attack that night as I was brought home from the hospital by the nurse who ended up having to take me right back due to my borderline unconscienceness and scars on my wrist and forehead down to my cheek.

The marks were still visible though slightly faded now and I was overjoyed that Jacob didn't notice them when I kissed him at the movies back when I wasn't so in love with him.

All of a sudden I heard a creak by my bed and looked up.

"Kara?"

" Daddy?"

Jacob came out into the light from the moon shinning into my bedroom and I covered my face with covers.

He didn't leave, just sat down on the edge of my bed and talked to me in a quiet, whispering sound.

"Look."

I cut him off with a question of my own. My shut down mechanism kicking in as we tried to talk about earlier that night on the beach.

" What did I say Jacob?"

"Kara honey. I love you."

"I don't care. Just go away. You _can't help me_ so stop trying."

He stayed exactly the way he was.

" Damn it Jacob Black. Do you have any fucking idea what you do to me?" I blurted out. He gently slid the covers down from my face and noticed what I was trying to hide.

Tears are very good betrayers of your heart.

"Kara, are you crying?"

"YES!" I said bursting into fresh tears. When I cried- which was all the time lately, about as much as my panickyness, I lost everything and became a snot nosed, watery eyed, uncontrollably sobbing troll. Someone I never wanted Jacob Black to see, but good for nothing, there it was, open and broken for him to tease and joke about for weeks or even months. I couldn't handle it if I lost Jacob. So the best instict I knew how to do, like I had done with my parents, was to completely shut off and become a screen, crackling, fuzzy and unable to get aclear picture anymore. Broken, damaged like I was.

He smiled and I saw.

Of course he couldn't stop himself. I sounded like a howling dog for crying out loud. I hated everything that went along with the anxiety attacks but now jake knew and I couldn't hide anymore.

"Kara."

"what?" I finally got the sobs under control and we could speak like people again.

He stopped and looked at me.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong with you baby?"

"You already know! I have anxiety attacks Jacob. That's it." He was pushing me. I didn't like talking about this. Anything about my anxiety causes for attacks only made me feel worse and right now, I had just let the beautiful teenager I was falling in love with see me at rock bottom.

" Not that part Kara. Why do they happen? Is there something else there that you neeed to say?"

" what are you dude? A freaking therapist? I don't have anything to say to you!"

" Yes you do." he laughed at my anger at this. "Tell me Kara. You know you can."

I took a deep breath knowing that he was just gonna keep pushing the envelope until he got what he wanted.

"You tell me something first Jake. Something really sad or embarrassing and then I might tell you mine."

His eyes lit up with playfulness and I smiled despite the feelings.

" Okay. When I get mad enough I turn into a slobbering, mangy, stupid dog."

"What?" I cracked up laughing at that and Jacob threw his hands up in the air.

"There we go Kara. Now we got somewhere."

He laughed himself and the sound lulled the feelings I had gone to bed with down into the back of my self, away from us now. I was safe.

" You go. " he said giving me the floor.

"Okay."

"I'm in love with you." Jacob said leaning foreword to wrap my body tighter inside his own personal safety net. I liked how strong he and the panic reseeded into thin air, leaving me for tonight.

" I have an anxiety disorder Jacob. It started when I was six. My parents they died in a car crash at that age and I have been trying to forget it ever since, the sounds are so clear though and the visions of them leaving the world behind haunts me most nights so that I can't go to sleep. I was saved by some miricale and have scars on my wrist and forehead to prove it really happened."

Jake looked on as I rolled up my left sleeve to reveal a cresent shaped scar and lifted my long hair back to show him the red line, now a faded pink color running from the top of eyebrow to my cheek on my left side.

"That;s horrible Kara. I am so very sorry." he said.

"It gets worse Jake. Don't appologize for anything yet. I am an orphan. I don't have parents. I am all alone."

"I don't have a mom." was his response. "Her name was Sara but she died in a car accident on her way to visit a friend the next town over. It was very hard for my family to go through."

"But at least you have your father."

"I know what's like to lose apparent at all Kara. We're almost the same."

I backpeddled."You are not the same as me! Nobody knows how hard it is to be alone in a school that hates you or to live in a place where you feel lie you have to hide yourself from everyone or they will vanish like the car crash."

I had started crying again and Jake stopped talking and relaxed the sadness until it left me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You're right Kara, I do have a father andI am lucky but so are you."

"How?"

"Because you have me and a whole army of wolves on your side. And we have imprinting. That's an added bonus too."

"Imprinting?" I asked

"I'll tell you tomorrow. Just know that I love you." he got up and started to walk to the door.

"Jacob wait."

"yes baby?" he stopped and retraced his steps, coming back to me on the bed.

" I feel so hopeless. Depressed, angry…" I trailed off, sighed and finished my sentence. "But most of all, I'm scared."

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as those words were out of my mouth.

Jacob Black gently laid me down on my bed and tucked the covers in tight around me, further using the comfort of his and my creation to ease my fears,

" "I'm so certain about us Jake."

He stayed close by listening to me talk.

"Me too Kara."

"I know that I want to be with you forever. Even after everything I am dealing with, death, sadness, anxiety, you are the only thing I know will save me from all of the other things in my life that are going so wrong. You saved me Jacob. I feel normal with you."

"I'm in it for life. Forever and ever and even longer if need to be Kara. I won't let you fall. I promise."

I grabbed the back of his neck with my hands and pulled his head down to my face, excitedly.

"See, that's how much I know this is real. When you love the person who makes you feel most alive, nothing can touch you. I know that now with my loving you. I know we'll be together."

He didn't speak just gently leaned in and moved his lips against my throat and face, oblivious to anything else but me and my heart.


	8. Chapter 8

I talked to Jacob more about the accident when I was six and oddly talking about it helped some. I knew I couldn't hide from him anymore and I honestly didn't want to.

I sat on his couch and he sat next to me listening as I said what had made my childhood so short.

"After the accident, I kind of felt like I didn't know how to live anymore. Like I didn't want to."

He held my hand and saw how much this helped me since the anxiety didn't have a chance to reach my eyes this time. I was trying to go to therapy just Jacob and me and the therapist said that talking about it, wouldn't make my disorder go away, it would however help. And it did some. I knew the reason I was getting anywhere with it had to be because of Jacob. He was being super supportive and nice about going along to my weekly sessions with Dr. Cullen. Carlisle was very observant and he seemed to understand the aspect of tradgity at all because he let me speak when I was ready and stop if a topic became too much to handle.

Carlisle sat in a leather chair watching my expression.

"Did you ever want to leave the world just to see where they had went?" he asked.

I thought back on it and said I didn't know.

He shifted the conversation to how Jacob had seemed to make the pain of the experience go away and I smiled and told Carlisle the truth.

"He came into my life at a time when I needed someone. And that's what love should be. You should love the person that makes you glad that your alive."

Carlisle thought on this and shut his case of toys and things to use if I couldn't talk.

"Well that seemed like the perfect thing for you then. I think Jacob is a great person to have in your life and I hope that we can get even closer next session." he stood up and checked the clock.

"I'm heading home for tonight but we are on for six oclock on Thursday. Is that time doable for you?"

"Sure thanks Dr. Cullen." I said and he laughed

"Kara, you can call me Carlisle. I offer a safe place here to share and talk if you want to so you don't have to be so afraid to open up with me or even Jacob for that matter. He is there for you and so am I." Carlisle promised.

"Thank you Carlisle. I had a nice session."

Jacob stood up and held the door open for me as we walked down the stairs and back to La Push.

"Is your house ever lonely Kara?' he asked

"A little but I like it because it reminds me of my parents. I don't know if I could go on living without them."

"But you are and you are so incredibly strong for that. You have a courage that Carlisle has never seen before and I know that you can conquer anything in the world and if you can't, I will help you find a way to."

We parked in front of my house and I saw the empty space in the snowy driveway and a sinking feeling hit me in the stomach.

"Maybe I shouldn't go home Jake. I think I need a little time away. Can we go somewhere?"

"Anywhere Kara. Just name the time and place and I'll take you."

"Thanks. Can I come over?"

"Of course baby. Come on. I have a surprise for you I was hoping to show you the next time you came by and I figure that now's as good a time as any to do it. What do you say?"

"Sure. I would love to." and we drove back the way we came.


	9. Chapter 9

I held Jacob's hand and looked out at the view. Mountains rose in the distance almost as far as the length of the blue water on the beach. He stood with me not talking just listening to the birds in the trees and the wind rolling through the open blue sky. I felt the lukewarm breeze on my face and froze. Time stopped and all I felt was peace.

Mom and dad's breath washed over my face and I felt fresh tears cascade down my face at the realization that this was where I could come to feel them.

"Jacob did you-"

"Yes." he whispered not wanting to ruin the moment.

"How?" I breathed hardly believing that he had done this.

"I found this place before and I thought I would share it with you. It is where I had my first kiss."

"And how is that supposed to make me feel better?'

"Because it's ours. Our special place where no one in the world can touch you or tear you down. You are able to be free from everything you are afraid of and all the things you want to forget. Kara, this is your place. Yours and mine if you want me to be here with you."

"Jacob I can feel my parents here."

"I know. I saw it that way too. I have been here alone since my mother died and I kissed someone as a way of calming down. It worked wonders but it didn't end up going the way I planned so I didn't come here for a while."

"Do you think you're ready now?" I asked. We watched white birds fly overhead and the waves, tiny dots of white and royal blue move over the sand.

"If you need me to I will come here." Jacob said. "I'll do anything for you Kara. Everything I have is yours and I want you to be able to be yourself with me. Don't hide anymore. You are free here and so am I when I look in your eyes. I see someone I know I can overcome anything for, even death."

I sat on the grass stunned. He was so in love it was inevitable that I would feel the same way.

"Jake do you know what you're getting yourself into?"

"I do and I want to be totally involved with you. Take your time though okay? We don't have to rush into anything because we have forever."

I nodded and he sat down next to me.

"Hey Jake? What were you talking about the other night in my room? Something about imprinting?'

He smiled "Yeah it's just something I heard somewhere. My dad believes it can happen to people without warning and I think we have it."

I snuggled into his shoulder. "is it like a sickness?"

"no no no nothing like that Kara. Imprinting is like time freezing and the only thing that's left to matter is you. At least to me. I remember seeing you for the first time in a dream and then to find out you were actually real… wow, that was something."

I dream vividly too but when I do get to sleep I wake right back up because I think about the accident again and see it so clearly I scare myself." I laughed and asked "Where were you when I was six?"

Jacob

FLASHBACK

I stood in the woods, wolf paws and a fur covered body watching someone. She was a wide eyed six year old on the verge of crying and I felt my heart brake for her.

I had run around the house as she slept and woke up screaming.

I changed forms and vaulted up to her window to see her fear stricken face as she wondered aloud where her mommy and daddy went and why she was all alone.

I slowly climbed through the window and whispered her a sound that made me go to sleep when I was little. A Quileute song about the moon and wolves that my mother sang whenever I was the one having bad dreams.

I stilled as I watched the little girl fall slowly into a dreamy sleep and left without making a sound, but staying in the woods close by to watch and be ready to save her if I was needed.

END

Jacob

I knew from that night on that Kara was the one. She just had to grow up for herself to realize that I had always been there, even from such an early age. It was fate and astrology and anything else that could predict our lives together. I knew even then that I was destined to be with Kara, a trembling six year old in a bed that felt too big, in a world that she thought didn't want her, there was one person who did. Me.

I stood up and took her hand.

"I want you to try to remember that night when you were six Kara. I know it's hard and you'd rather forget it but that's the only way you can see that this is real for me as well as it is for you. If you remember and try to visualize what happened after you went to sleep for the night then I will be sure we can take on the whole world. Life is bigger than death Kara and life goes on after death. I'm not saying you should forget about your parents, I just think that coming to terms with the whole thing will help you."

"I'll try Jake. I don't want my anxiety to get in the way of what we have or are trying to have. I love what we have and what you do to me and I want to develop this further."

"Me too." he said wrapping me into a hug.

"Will you make the panic go away if I have another one while trying to remember what happened?"

Jacob sighed and kissed me.

"I'll try."

We sat on the spot with spirits until it got dark and I couldn't really see my way anymore. Jacob carried me back to car and drove back to his house ready to be there if I panicked.


	10. Chapter 10

I was tucked into bed and Jacob kissed me goodnight.

"Sleep well baby. I'll be right here."

He sat down in a chair and smiled at me. The moonlight flooded into my room, the house echoed a sad song and I almost cried as the hours ticked by waiting to be woken up with the memory of my parents.

I saw trees and snow covered mountains and an ice slackened stretch of black. The car rolled along the road without a sound until the silence literally shattered into thousands of little pieces.

When the memories became too vivid to handle I thought about Jacob. Riding in the car in the passenger side next to me, how we talked about everything and how it seemed so easy to say things that I normally didn't talk about with anyone else. He knew how I felt about everything going on and how it had effected me. I felt safe with him and let the dream continue relieved that such a happy twist was being put on such a horrible time in my childhood.

Then it stopped and I saw my parents. My father holding my body inside his arms and my mother kissing my forehead as I slept with her in bed.

I felt tears coming on and tried to stop them. Crying meant none of this was real anymore and I couldn't forget their voices or faces.

"Momma. Daddy…" I sobbed into my pillow.

This hurt. The whole thing and I couldn't stop crying as I felt my mom touch my face and smile at me as I was read my favorite bedtime story by my father.

"Kara?"

It was Jacob who was calling me and he was at my bedside in an instant.

"Jake. I can't do this. It hurts too much."

He looked down at my hands and his together and sighed.

"I'm here baby. I'm not goig anywhere." I believed him but it still ached at my heart.

"Come on baby. Let's go." Jacob helped me get out of bed and sat me in his lap. He helped me put shoes on and walked outside.

I cried for my parents on the way there as he cuddled me into his side and we went through a patch of woods. I noticed a group of people sitting around a big, glittering orage bonfire and wondered why we had come here.

"You need to be around people. I know that house makes you lonely and I don't want you to be lonely, so I figured this would help." Jacob walked over to the group like he was invited and I shuddered.

"I'm in my pajamas and it's like 11:30 at night. How do you expect me to actually be here?'

"You're okay." he said. "If you get tired you can sleep on my shoulder or lap. The rez school has classes really late and this whole roaring fire thing is normal for us."

He laughed and told me "If you are gonna come here, you better start getting used to staying up till midnight most nights. And you said you couldn't sleep most of the time anyway so this should help you."

"But-"

"Just say thank you Kara. I really want you to be here. It's the least you could say after what I did for you."

I let go of his hand and walked over to the edge of the woods.

"Don't act like you own me Jacob. I don't like being pushed around."

He smiled and apologized.

"Sorry, I don't know what I just said. But come on let's get you happy at least for a little while."

He led me over to the fire and we sat down letting the flames warm me until I finally fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up in Jacob's little farmhouse and washed my hands over my hair.

"Hey sleepyhead. Did you have a nice night?" he asked. I laughed and said yes. He sat working on his laptop and asked me if I knew anything about how to convert internet videos from you tube to a video library.

I sat up and noticed my hair was standing up on three ends and it was in four hundred different directions.

I helped Jacob move his video over and he kissed me in thanks. I was pushed up against the closet wall and felt a cool rush wash over me. We were best friends now and had become really close. I was happy to have someone like Jacob to talk to.

The phone rang yanking me out of the clouds and Jacob went over to his nightstand to answer it. He passed the receiving end to me and I heard a strange voice.

"This is Emmett Cullen, I am your uncle and I want you to come live with me and my family in house."

"How can I be sure I can trust you?" I asked hesitantly.

He said four words and I almost dropped the phone

"I love you Kara. Your father was a good man and your mother loved both him and you very much. Come and meet the rest of your family."

I wrote down the address and asked Jacob to drive me there.

Emmett's house was huge. He came out and wrapped me in his burly arms and gave me a bear hug.

"Kara. I missed you so much. Come meet the rest of my family. There was a black haired girl who was my aunt Alice and another pair of family members named Rose and Jasper. These were the only living descendants I had left.

"You want to have me live here with you?" I asked as I heard a car door slam and the front, sliding door open.

He stared at them with hard eyes and I wondered why jake had felt this way.

He came inside and stood by me in a protective way and then everything shattered.

The fighting could be heard from halfway down the block and I covered my ears because I didn't like the noise. I blacked out after that so I don't remember much of what happened afterwards.

The hospital lights were bright and hurt my eyes.

Emmett held the car door open for me as I was brought outside and he strapped me in.

"I'm taking you somewhere where you'll be safe Kara. The state would have taken you if I hadn't stepped in and claimed you as my own."

"What happened back there. Where's Jacob?"

Emmett said nothing just drove away from my safety net and didn't look back

Jacob

I knew I couldn't trust these guys. Kara had passed out from the fighting and such a loud noise and I had gotten my ass kicked all to save hers. That Emmett guy was strong. I broke things in the house and gave up when my hands opened and bled a little. I ran away and came straight to the hospital only to find that Kara was gone. I ran outside and changed into wolf form. I searched all night but I couldn't find her anywhere. I wouldn't give up though. I had to stop for food and ice since my knuckles were a mess and my palms were bleeding. I smiled at the battle wounds though. It only showed our relationship's strength.

And that was better then anything. If Kara suffered with an anxiety disorder than I could suffer a little too, bloody palms or not I had to find her.

And I would. I was sure of it.


	12. Chapter 12

I was inside Emmett's red Jeep wondering where I was going.

"How did you feel afterwards Emmett?" I asked. Of course he had never been in love before if he had the nerve to take me away from Jacob.

"You aren't gonna get away with this you know." I threatened.

"Kara, I know everything that went on in your life has got to be stressful but this is what has to happen. I am taking you to live with me in my house."

"Where's your house?"

"In Forks. I already signed you up for the local high school. You start tomorrow."

Holy shit!

Panic rose as remembered Eric Yorkie and his jabs.

"I don't want to go Emmett. I have friends and a school that I like in La Push. It's where I belong."

"Shut up and let me drive." he said looking straight out at the road ahead of us.

I let my mind drift back to Jacob. We walked around the fields up by the mountains where he rode his motorcycle.

God I missed him.

Jacob would come for me. I trusted him and I told Emmett this as we drove and parked in front of a glass plated house.

"This is where I live Kara. Make yourself at home."

I already knew I hated this place.

Jacob

A howl escaped my jaws as I searched for Kara. I was having trouble getting her scent. I thought about the way she smelled. Red delicious apples and vanilla frosting. Cupcakes. Fruit. Chocolate… it was different every time I was with her but she always smelled so good.

The thought of Kara only made me hate myself more for not finding her sooner. It had been two weeks since Emmett had left and I was starting to have doubts about how well werewolves could track things.

I swore and laughed at myself as I envisioned finding Emmett holed up in his rich neighborhood and tearing his head off.

I laughed so hard I started barking and felt better for the first time that night.

Kara

I sat in my dark bedroom crying. I needed Jacob or my parents but he was in La Push and they were both dead.

"Mommy.. Daddy.." I cried and the air stung with silence. I hated Emmett and Alice and Rosalie and Jasper.

All of a sudden, a felt a breeze coming in through the window which was left open a tiny crack.

My prayers were answered.

My mom's spirit filled me and gave me courage. I knew what I had to do.

I slowly snuck outside and noticed Emmett's red jeep sitting in the driveway.

Could I drive a stick shift? I had never tried but needed to now.

Or maybe I should wait for Jacob? But what if he didn't show? Panic rose in my chest and I felt sick. I couldn't stop the hot, acidic rush and I puked on the plant outside of the house.

Then, somewhere above me, I heard a voice.

"Kara?"

I looked up and saw a huge, brown wolf standing right in front of me. My first instinct was to scream but then I noticed the eyes more closely. They seemed to look through me and calm every singal fear I had in me at being in such a strange place.

It was Jacob.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

He turned and ran back toward the woods.

I followed, wishing that animals could speak and he changed human.

"How did you-"

I was cut off by Jacob's arms which picked me up and ran with me into the woods, far enough away so that we couldn't see the house anymore.

It was so dark, I had nothing to gauge how far we were from dangerous, sharp objects like roots or rocks.

"Jake? Watch out!" I whispered trying to help.

"Close your eyes and everything will go away soon." he said and I obeyed trusting him to deliver on his promise.

A twig snapped and we fell down a large hill. It had started to rain and I felt wet, damp and mushy leaves and raindrops fall on my face.

Jacob set me down when his arms got tired and help guide my feet blindly with his body down another large hill.

Wind whipped through the trees and Jacob froze.

"Kara go! You have to try and run okay baby."

"Why?"

"He's coming with the rest of them."

Oh fuck. I felt a huge panic attack ball itself up inside my chest and Jacob told me to jump into his arms again.

I did and shut my eyes as he ran faster and faster, further into the woods without stopping.

Finally tired, Jacob caught his foot on a slippery rock in the path and fell down, shielding my body with his arms and face as I hit the cold, hard ground.

We rolled down the hill and to a stop in front of a singal solitary dry tree and caught our breath.

I was so far beyond normal breathing excersizes by then that I felt like my heart was going to explode.

"Jacob…."

"Shh, Kara, it's okay. We're alright 's gone."

I leaned my head up against the trunk of the tree and cried finally letting everything go.

"Jacob I WANT TO GO HOME!"

"I know baby and you will. Soon. I promise." He tried to say something to help me relax but was too out of breath to find any real help.

Not knowing if I would survive this magnitude of panic alone, I grabbed his face and kissed him.

Jacob started at first but then relized what I wanted and gave me a kiss back. His tounge swallowed my anxiety and went right where it was supposed to go when I paniced at all.

Just like the night at the movies, Jacob's kissing me calmed me down enough to ask" Are we going to get through this?"

"yes we will." he responded "Because we're strong."

I cracked a smile for the first time that night and bit his full lips. They tasted good and I wanted more.

"Strong like the powerful wolf." I said quoting Jacob's father at one of our nightly classes in La Push.

Jacob smiled and I surprised him and myself by howling. Loudly.

"Kara shhhhh. Baby stop. You want Emmett and the others to come back for us?" I somehow knew he was only joking.

"I want something Jake." I said finding flirting surprisingly very easy now. What was I doing?

I must be going crazy.

"Well, well, well, what do you want?" Jacob asked playing along.

"Kiss me. Better yet, I want you to give me something."

He saw that I was serious about this.

"What would that be?"

"Give me you." I had no idea who was talking right now. I must be bipolar to ask for sex with him outright like this. I realized what I said and tried not to let him see me blush but he did.

Jacob held me close and said "I want you too but not tonight. Wait till we aren't so cold and wet." he stopped and noticed my face get redder. "Sorry not that way."

I tried to stop myself but couldn't. I kissed Jacob Black again and again until every part of me was as hot as he was. Untill all of this was over. Untill I had him and nothing would ever take him away from me again.

Jacob looked up and saw the satrs shinning through the rain soaked trees.

"Kara make a wish."

"You are all I want Jacob. No matter what." I siad and he saw the pleading and fear of losing him in my eyes.

He pointed to a shooting star and said" You are a beautiful star. That's all you are. Not disordered or anxious. Your free Kara. Free to run wild like the stars and I want you to fly."


	13. Chapter 13

Jacob and I grew closer and closer as time went on. We sat on top of a mountain and talked.

"Kara, maybe you might be ready to confront your past." I remembered Carlisle's words at my last therapy session and I wondered if I could do this.

"Jacob do you think I'm ready for this?" I asked as we walked back down the mountain. The hike made me think.

"I think you should only do this when you're ready, but know that I will be there with you if you ever need me." he said.

His warm skin made me calm enough to reach the bottom and drive back to school.

The road was black and yellow as it was before but I felt the uneasiness of this as we parked in the clearing and I got out of the car.

"Woooooooooooooooo! What's up Kara?" Embry asked as the gang of Jacob's friends came pouring out of Emily's house.

"I'm so happy you're back Kara." Embry went on. "Jacob was all about you when you were gone. Where did you go anyway?" he asked

Jacob grabbed me and pulled me back behind him.

" Guys shut up. Please."

They laughed and hassled Jake some more. I started to laugh and he glared at me.

"Stinking bloodsuckers stole her." Jacob told Embry. He rolled his eyes.

" So now that you're back, you want to eat. Emily makes the best muffins in the world." he said. I had never been inside but Embry squeezed my hand and promised he wouldn't bite. I smiled and watched Jacob's eyes grow hard. Embry wasn't as hot as Jake but still lukewarm.

"Let's go to the beach tonight guys." Quill suggested. Jake rolled his eyes and refused.

"I want to go." I said. He smiled and agreed reluctantly.

I pulled a muffin out of the basket as Emily hugged me and asked where I was. I didn't want to think about what happened before but I asked her what day it was just so I had a reference.

"July 25."

Woah! I had met Emmett in April and he called me and kidnapped me the week of April 30, I had been gone for a whole two months almost three! I instinctively hugged Jake's side and he stroked my back as if sensing my fear.

"It's okay Kara." he whispered and the others looked at us.

"What's up dude?" Leah asked and I wondered if a hug would be okay with her.

"Come here jerk. I missed you." she says as she enveloped me into a soft bear hug and I laughed against her hair.

"Leah easy," Jake said "Kara's had a rough couple days. She may be tired."

I hugged everyone and then sat down. I didn't want to tell them what happened.

Jacob wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest. The heat relaxed my anxiety and I felt it almost leave.

" Jacob." Sam's voice boomed over the room.

"She's safe." he said and Sam touched my face gently. They were all worried about me. I had friends here. A real family.

I thought about that word.

Family. Friends. For the first time in my life as I looked at the wolves standing inside Emily's kitchen, I figured something out.

"Jacob can you take me to my house? The one where my parents lived? I want to do this."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes." I breathed out and squeezed his hands. I can do this."

We told the others that we would go to the beach later and he took me into his strong arms.

"I love you Kara. I am so proud of you." Jake said and I smiled.

I was ready. That was before I realized how incredibly hard it would be to face.


	14. Chapter 14

We pulled up to the white painted, blue roofed house I grew up in. Getting out of the car was the easy part.

I pushed the door open and felt the emptiness as soon as I stepped inside.

FLASHBACK

My mother stood behind me as I ran into my fathers waiting arms. She was watching me wanting to say something but she couldn't find the right words. I didn't know what was going to happen to us. I didn't know that this would be the night I lost everything. I was going to lose them but I didn't know it yet. It was probably better that I didn't.

END

Jacob stood leaning up aganst the table.

"Are you okay baby?"

I breathed out and tried to nodd my head.

I traveled upstairs and took the steps slowly, one at a time. With every step, I ached on the inside.

Jacob followed from a distance, giving me my space but be there if I needed him. I tried to smile through my tears as I reached the closed dorr to my parents bedroom.

I turned the knob but my fingers slipped.

The action of this was so hard for me but I tried to be brave for Jacob. He already seen me cry and I was pathetic,I couldn't do that again.

I had Jacob open the door for me and I found a little orange backpack laying on the bed. It was mine.

I walked over trying not to see the sad part of this.

My mom's hands. Her face, concentrating on what she had to do. The last time we would see each other. She knew she was going down soon. She was brave for me and I would be too- for Jacob.

"What's in it Kara?" Jacob asked. I wanted to see but I couldn't open it. The zipper stuck and my sweat coated hands dropped the black nylon.

"I can't do this Jake. I don't want to make this real."

"You don't have to Kara. But you're so close now. I know you got this."

he was encouraging me slowly and I followed my gut and zipped it back.

I gasped as it opened and I found clothes and a pair of my favorite, red sneakers. There was a necklace and a folded up peice of paper. The black netted pockets held a black water bottle and a braided piece of string.

" Jacob…" I did it."

He smiled and gave me a hug. "Good job Kara. Baby, I am so proud of you."

I needed his heat. We kissed and as his tounge entered and found mine, I felt better.

"Now what?"

"Let's take it slow. You can show Carlisle next time we go to therapy if you want." He zipped the backpack back up and flung it over his shoulder. "I'll hold onto it for you and one by one we'll figure out what's in here. We'll do it together. I know you need my help and that's what I;m here for."

"I thought you loved me." I said and Jacob heard the way my voice choked itself from the inside.

"No no no. I- I love-"

I cut him off and grabbed onto his arms.

"I want to leave now Jacob. I'm gonna start crying if I stay in here for much longer."

He nodded once and shut the door behind us as we drove down to the beach.


	15. Chapter 15

The beach was bustling as the rest of Jacob's friends came down to sit in the sand.

"I am so proud that you did that back there Kara." Jacob said as we held hands and walked to the waters edge.

"Here Kara. This is Kim, Claire and my older sister Rachel. Paul, Jared and Quill's girlfriends. I wanted you to see them in action."

The group he was talking about was heavy into a game of soccer. The voices were loud and I just wanted to go and stay somewhere and not participate.

"Jacob can we do something-"

He cut me off with a giant kiss. The heat was overpowering and it swallowed anything I let rise to the surface before.

"Stop Jake!"

He let go, astonished. I was angry. Why was I stopping this? I loved this. I loved kissing him. I wanted to kiss jacob forever. I wanted to play with him. But I was stopping this.

I felt everything shatter as the panic attack flooded inside me and I ran away from this. From him. Again.

How the hell would we ever have sex if I kept running from him?

I was so anxious that I didn't know where any of this was coming from.

"Kara wait!" jacob called after me. I didn't stop. I could hear him running after me up into the woods.

Where was I going?!

"Kara! Stop!" Jacob called and he grabbed my hand and yanked it back to his body.

I was thrown back against his hard body and I yelped like an injured puppy.

" Don't touch me!"

"Listen to me Kara! It's okay. Just take deep breaths. Don't run from me again. I won't let you run from me like the last time you panicked. I love you and I won't let you go. Ever. I promise."

I stopped and watched Jacob's black eyes bore themselves into me. He was strong and passionate. He really did want to help me. I saw the fire inside his heart reach his eyes and stay there as i tried to fight him.

"Don't fight me Kara. Please don't run away again. I love you and I won't ever let you get hurt. The others do too but I do more then you will ever know. I love you more than I can find the words to say. Look at the sky and see the diamond stars. I see them in your eyes when I look at you. You're inside the sky. In the stars. In the wind. In the sun. My sun. You are my sun Kara. I don't ever want you to be afraid of me. I won't ever hurt you. Please baby just stay here. Don't run. Stay. For me."

The black in his eyes was coal colored now and I gasped amazed at the feelings he was confessing in such a tense moment. I was supposed to break but he held me together. He was the only one I saw now. The water rushed over out bare feet and I noticed the stivky seaweed covering my feet with sand. I hated the feeling of it but I wanted Jacob to keep going.

"Open the backpack Kara. You brought it back here and I want you to open it."

"I want you to tell me you love me that hard."

Jacob pulled me into him again and repeated what he had told me. "I love you so much. I see the stars when I look in your eyes. I want you to stay here. For me. Stay with me and don't run away. Please."

I kissed him hard and held on as we made out in the water. I knew I couldn't leave him now. I loved him too much. I promised Jacob that I would never run away during a panic attack again.

We walked back to the shore and Jacob and I sat on his bed.

The orange backpack I had brought back from my parents house sat at our feet, tempting Jacob and making me nervous.

"We'll do it together Kara. On the count of three. Ready?"

I nodded.

"One two three. Go!" Jacob counted and I slammed my hand into the backpack. It closed around a black shirt and I pulled it out. I repeated this with the pair of fresh blue jeand and sneakers.

Jacob turned the pockets inside out and found a black water bottle and a sack of something unknown.

It was so riveting for me to go through the bag. I knew it would be hard but I broke when I found out what was inside.

When everything was out in the open, jeans, three clean shirts-one blue, one red and one yellow- the black water bottle, brown sack and a white paper, I stopped and caught my breath.

"Ready for this babe?" Jacob asked and I took a deep breath.

"Let's do this."


	16. Chapter 16

I sat in Jacob's bedroom on the soft bed staring at him wondering what would be in the small, orange backpack. It was mine I knew but I haven't seen it sinceI was little. It was from before the accident. Thinking about it made me remember my parents and I felt cold as I lifted myself up to get my anxiety out.

I pace when I get nervous.

"Jake. What am I gonna do?"

He got up and stood in my path. "Stop pacing. It's alright Kara. Just breath and try this once."

I sat back down on the bed and he smiled at me and squeezed my hand in encouragement.

I opened the backpack again, nervous like the last time. I pulled out the first thing my hands touched and saw that it was a blue shirt. My dad's absolute favorite shirt. He was wearing it the night we crashed. It must have been rescued and washed at the hospital when I was out.

"My dad's shirt."

"My turn." Jake pulled something out next and set it on the empty place in my lap. my hands were sweaty as I realized what this was.

"My jeans."

We took turns pulling out items and setting them on the comforter of Jacob's bed.

I found my water bottle, sneakers and a frayed friendship bracelet I had given my mom as an art project.

"How you doing with all this?" Jacob asked and I nodded. This was okay. I could do this.

Then I picked up a silver circle held on a chain.

"open it baby. Ready?" Jake took my hand and turned the latch revealing a picture of my parents and me as a baby. We were happy. Smiling. I felt a shiver and rembembered when my mom gave this to me.

FLASHBACK

We webt camping in the woods and she was snuggling with me as I woke up. I was five years old.

Her words had seemed like only words to such a young kid back then but I tried to remeber them as i held it now.

"This means more to me then my own life sweetie." My mother said as she brought me in for a tight hug."And that's how much I love you."

I asked her why she was acting like this and she didn't say anything.

I remebered something now as I read the Italien words on the left side.

"Tommorow, I'm gonna need you to stay with Jacob. No matter what. Even if I tell him that he needs to take you somewhere. I'll always keep you safe baby girl. Always."

END

"Jacob! You and my mom knew each other when I was little!" I realized shocked. That voice when i was six.. after the accident.. you! It was you!"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah it was me. I knew I needed to watch out for you even then. I swear Kara, I knew you in another life. I was meant to be with you. It's just fate now." He relaxed and then sat upright again. "I have been there all this time. I loved you ever since the accedent and I will love every day forever."

He sounded so good. I needed him now. I kissed him and he pulled me into his lap. The kiss deepend and he pushed himself back on the bed.

I wanted him. So much. I wasn't thinking and when he pushed me back to take a breath, I froze.

"Sorry. Anxoius idiot remeber?"

He sighed and told the truth.

"You know i want you like that Kara. Just I want to go easy. I can't hurt you and I don't want to take advantage of you that way. "

"Jake I love you so much."

He took hold of my hair and pulled "Oh yeah?" He smiled teasing me.

I loved him.

"Jake did you find out what everything was in the backpack?" I wanted to not focus on anything but this when we were so into what was happening.

He stopped and pulled a white piece of paper out of the bag.

"It's a note."

I couldn't make my hands work enough to read it.

"Jake you do it. Read it to me."

I sat back ready to listen to what might be my last memory of my mom from that time before. Before my life was turned upside down forever.


	17. Chapter 17

FLASHBACK

A Year Ago

My mom sat down and wrote one last letter.

"My Dearest Sweetheart,

I thought we would have forever together but forever isn't as long as I'd hoped. Everything you and Jacob need is in this backpack. Jacob will keep you safe. It's his job. I know he will give you all the love I want to but if I can't do that, know that he will do it for me. Your father and I love you and know that everything that happens will be for the right reasons. I want you to understand about Jacob and his family. They will protect you and love you enough for the whole world. Even if we can't, know that we will always be with you.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

END

As Jacob looked up, I felt tears pour down and land uncontrollably in my hands.

"Hey, you'll be alright." Jacob said letting me cry as he rubbed my back softly. "It's okay 're gonna be okay."

We lay down and kissed until the feelings left my body.

My dreams weren't good that night.

I had nightmares. Horrible nightmares about death and families being torn apart. A big, reddish brown wolf stood over a dead body and howled into the night.

The I woke up.

"Don't hurt me!" I screamed shattering the silence in the dark room.

"Kara." Jake jumped up and switched the lights on.

" I need you Jacob. Make the pain go away."

"I'll try baby. Come here." He pulled me into his lap and warmed my shivering body up as best as he could.

"My mom's letter said she wants me to know about you and you're friends." I said "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"I'll explain everything later Kara. I really need you calmer first though." he said

"Is it something bad? I don't know if I can take anything else scary tonight Jake."

"Try to sleep." he breathed close to my hair. I felt the warm breath of him on my neck and relaxed into his chest.

"I can't sleep Jake. What do you do when you can't go to sleep?" I was wondering if anything would happen tonight that was happy. I didn't usually get happy so much these days. Most of my happy days were from my parents were alive and now that they were gone, I didn't know what to do anymore.

"Jacob Black. Tell me everything you need to say. I want to be happy and I am almost never happy."

"That sucks Kara. Bad." He said and got up. "Come back to Emily's house. She'll give you something to help you sleep. I need you to get out of this damn house anyway. Let's go."

I got up and Jacob carried me out to his truck.

"Everything in that backpack made me realize somethig." I said. He asked what it was and I turned the music on.

I loved music. I just never listened to it because it reminded me too much of life before.

"Crank the damn thing up and sing with me."

Jacob laughed loudly and turned the dial of the radio up until it was loud enough to wake up the whole neighborhood. I rolled down the windows and screamed out whatever the hell I could think of.

"Whooooooooooooo!" Jake called out his drivers side window, happy too. I laughed and called to him over the music. "We need to go very crazy."

"Oh yeah we do! Maybe tomorrow though cuz we're already there.

Emily and Sam came outside and laughed at us.

"Come on in guys. We've been expecting you."


	18. Chapter 18

I stepped into Emily's house and saw all of Jake's friends, the big boys, sitting around the kitchen. On the counter and table. They were all waiting for me.

"Tell her Jake. Tell her what you are." Sam said.

"You start if that's okay." he blushed and shifted his weight onto the other foot.

"Kara, you'd better sit down." Sam said. He and the boys stepped forward and Sam lifted his sleeve up so I could see a green and black tattoo in the center.

"Woah!"

"That marks us all as your protectors Kara." he said and I looked around and Paul lifted his shirt up. Jared and Embry did the same and Quill followed suit.

"Jake?" I asked and he nodded.

I watched as he moved to face me backwards and showed me his own tattoo.

"These are markers. They mean that everyone you see around you is part of a pack. We protect you and love you so much."

I wasn't scared. I was surprised. I didn't know Jake had a tattoo at all. Either he didn't want me to know or he did a good job of keeping himself covered.

" Kara, we are wolves." Embry said and laughed. "But don't worry, we won't bite.."

"I would if I were you…" Jared laughed and Jacob came over to me.

"Ignore him. And answer me this." he whispered into my ear "Do you want to be bitten?"

I said yes and beat him to the punch.

"Bite me back."

"Later" Jacob laughed and asked if i was okay.

"Perfect. Because you're here with me. You all are and that's what I need. I need a real, living breathing family and I have that in you guys."

They all smiled and let me have one of Emily's famous chocolate chip cookies.

"Milk Kara?" Emily asked and she stuck it in the microwave. "Here. Warm milk helps you sleep. Jake told us you might come over so we have a special surprise for you." She got up and lead me into the bedroom.

A single bed was situated in the middle of the room with sleeping bags scattered on the floor.

"Your bed. You sleep in here with the rest of the boys. Leah sleeps in the room over there and Sam and I sleep in the bigger bedroom.

"Thank you so much Emily."

I drank my milk and had a few cookies. I watched Jared eat and Paul shoved him

"Stop it. You're scaring her."

I smiled and felt Jacob pull me into his arms.

"I love you baby. Sleep with us here. Not in the same bed but you know what I mean."

"Emily do you have fresh clothes?" Sam asked and she tossed them to Jake.

" Take a shower if you want Kara." Jake watched Embry light up and glared at him.

"Don't worry dude, She's your imprintee. I know the rules."

I followed Jacob into Emily's living room and sat down on her couch. The afghan blanket was pulled over the back of the couch and Jake tucked it in around me.

"You're safe here Kara. I want you to be happy here." he said and I yawned. Finally tired.

"Go to sleep baby."

I fluttered my eyes shut and I leaned back againstJacob's chest. I needed this.

"Thank you so much Jacob. I really like this. Being here with you."

I smiled and he tightened his grip around me.

"I wish we were more alone though." he said and I felt myself get hot. I wanted to get out of there and I felt a devilish glimt in my eyes.

"Jacob. Do you want to do something?"

He stared at me and asked what it was.

" Let's go outside and play."

I got up and Jacob followed wondering what I was up to. He gently lifted the window open and jumped out holding me securly inside his arms.

"How'd you do that dude?" I asked amazed at how powerful he was.

"It's a wolf thing." he brushed the fact that he was strong enough to scale the sides of houses and jump out of windows as not that big of a deal when in reality he glowed from the expression on my face at the relization that I was actually breaking rules.

"I don't usually do this kind of thing." I blushed and felt Jake smile.

"I must be special then huh?"

I laughed as we fell down and rolled over onto the grass so that we could see the sky.

"Wow Jake, Look at all the stars!" I breathed amazed as I took in the thousands of tiny diamonds that lay glittering across the purplish black canvas of night. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. Jake was holding me close and we were back at the special place where we could connect with my parents as I had come to think of it. Jake asked if I was cold and he warmed up the parts of skin I had left exposed to the cool nighttime air.

My heart raced from anxiety and fear at what we were about to do...


	19. Chapter 19

I wanted him. I desperately needed this.

"Jake I'm a-"

"I know baby." he whispered cutting me off with a kiss. "I won't ever hurt you."

I kissed Jacob hard and we rolled over onto the cool breeze coated grass. I had never had sex outside or had sex at all but was it so easy to read on my face? I blushed and shivered as the night air hit my skin.

"Kara. I love you more than anything in the world. Let me show you that tonight Lilka please?"

He was asking permission. Most guys I knew wouldn't even be that courteous. I was proud to call Jacob Black my boyfriend and even though I was scared as hell now, I trusted Jacob and his body to take me places. Very high places.

" am I going to go to heaven Jake?" I asked. He laughed and rubbed my goose bumps through his hands as he grabbed my hair and gently moved it around in his fingers.

"I want to go baby. Do you want that too?"

I nodded and took a shaky breath.

"I love you too Jake. Better yet, I trust you."

That was his cue to go. He brought me close to him and hit my sweet spot.

"Geeze!"

"Do you like it baby?" Jake asked and I groaned out a reply. I thought I was someone else, the way my voice sounded high pitched and breathy one moment and hard and hoarse the next. It didn't make sense but I went with it anyway. He was so gentle for someone so big and strong. I couldn't find anything to say except how much I loved him because I did. I loved Jacob more than I had ever loved anyone before. I had never found anyone like him and I needed to keep this good thing going. I was scared and rasped out a stop as Jacob was about to come.

He noticed my jerk reaction and sat up.

"I want you Lilka." was his response to my pulling out of Jacob's sweaty hug.

I needed a break. Maybe I was wrong. I wasn't ready for this.

We lay on our back and I felt the wetness rush from my core down to my feet. I groaned and pulled myself up so that I was standing over him.

"I am having a panic attack damn it!" I cried and he sat up and rolled over to me. He held my hand.

"Breathe baby. Look at me."

I did and tried to breath right. Why did I stop! I wanted this! Didn't I?

"Maybe we shouldn't-"

"I want to but can control myself not to push you that far if you don't want to Kara." he smiled and told me to tell him what I liked. I liked hugs and kissing but probably not sex. I hated the look of wide spread panic as deep as the lust I had inside my eyes.

"Which part is the scary part Kara?" he asked. I told him the truth.

"What you do to me is wonderful but I can't seem to get past the high part. That's hard. How do you do it?"

He seemed to think for a second before saying something he thought would help. He rubbed my back and I had calmed down enough to talk to him again. I hated this. I hated causing it. Jake was hot and I wished I was a normal girl so I could have sex without melting down because I was so scared.

"How about this. Let's try okay? Just try and do it how you were because that was perfect. When we get to the scary part again, I want you to open your eyes and look at me. Just look right at me and I promise that I will do this amazingly well for you. I love you so much Kara." Jacob said and I thought I could try again.

It started and I was held gentle and softly. I was treated as if I was glass and he smiled when I started laughing.

"It feels good huh?"

"It tickles!" I said and he laughed. "Good."

I rolled over on top of him as we kissed each other long and hard until I felt my body want release.

"Jake."

"Kara look at me. Come on. You can do this. " I did and saw his black eyes shine with lust, love, desire and friendship. He wanted e no matter what- the anxiety didn't matter to him any. He just wanted me and as I was brought over, Jacob called my name and heaved over onto the ground. We were there. Officially together and part of each other and that was better than anything I could have imagined.

The stars seemed to welcome our new status with happiness and I squeezed jake's hand as he rubbed my back until I fell asleep, warm and safe inside his arms.


End file.
